Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
