i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
