It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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