definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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