Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
