I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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