Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
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