Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
