Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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