Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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