saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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