i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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