I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
