i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
