: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
