Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
