I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
