just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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