At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
