If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
