One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
