just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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