I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
