Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
