Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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