Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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