She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
