I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
