one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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