Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
