Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
my liver is dry heaving
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
