margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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