idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
