What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
