how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
