I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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