yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
