Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
