Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
