she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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