Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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