I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
