Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
