I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
