I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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