we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
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