sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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