Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
this hospital has no fireball
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
