just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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