Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
