i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
