Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
