I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
