Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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